Sunday, November 9, 2008

Craigslist: Wanted: Husband-sized heat rock

We used to be the stereotypical couple arguing over the thermostat, Joel* and I. I was always cold, he was always too hot. I'd huddle under a pile of blankets while we watched TV, he'd fan himself with the remote and eat a giant bowl of ice cream. I'd put my frozen feet on his legs in bed to try to get warm, he'd scream in terror at being awakened in such a fashion. You get the idea.

Then Joel went on a diet and something went terribly wrong (in addition to the fact that I gained weight while he lost). He's lost about 75 pounds over the past year and a half and he's still working on losing 10-20 pounds more. He's also lost his ability to regulate his body temperature, it seems. He's always cold!

Yesterday, the thermostat was set to 72 degrees. I was perfectly comfortable. And Joel was huddled on the couch, looking like this:
Look how miserable, poor thing. He's wearing two t-shirts, topped by a thermal-lined hooded sweatshirt, topped by another, greener sweatshirt. Note his hands tucked in the sleeves.

It's kind of funny, this role reversal, until I start wondering why this is happening to him. He used to produce heat (even before he got fat) like nobody's business. Now he can't get warm without going to McDonald's and climbing under the heat lamps. I wonder if he's permanently damaged his metabolism by dieting. He had his thyroid checked recently, so that can't be it.

I think he needs to go to the doctor again. ("So, patient, what can I do for you today?" "Um, I'm cold!") Meanwhile, I'll enjoy saying things like, "Well, you'll just have to put on a sweater--it's easier for you to get warm than it is for me to cool off." He may have said that to me a few times in the past.
(For the record, he was never mean about it--I'll try not to be mean either.)

Joel's mom suggested that he purchase this wearable blanket
She insists that it's a perfectly masculine item.
Uh. Sure it is!
You might notice that it's called a Snuggie. I hope he gets one, just so I can ask if his Snuggie is keeping him warm enough.

*I was going to use pseudonyms for my husband and kids in this blog, but Joel didn't like that I referred to him as "Nerd" in another post. Apparently only his brothers are allowed to call him that (there's a story behind it). I can't think of anything else, so I'm going to be lazy and use his real name...unless you think I should call him "Snuggie."


Wendi said...

Poor, poor Joel. That picture of him is so pathetic and perfect for this post. :)