There is no point whatsoever to this post*

Consider yourself warned.

At 10 o' clock last night I was packing up the veritable mountain of stuff I had to mail off (mailing packages here is such a pain in the kiester that I tend to save it up until there's so much that I just can't put it off anymore)(well, I could, and I usually do, but this time I didn't). One of the boxes was to send to Holly containing the Egyptian part of these nutritious prize packages. It also contains my mom's walking stick. She couldn't fit it in her luggage, so I told her I'd mail it to her, but it didn't fit into any of the boxes I had, so I slipped it into the larger box heading for Holly. So hey, Hol, when the box comes, can you call my mom and have her come get her stick? Thanks. But I digress. Try not to be too shocked.

As I was getting ready to tape up the box, I realized I hadn't included the most important thing! The trash! I couldn't exactly promise bona fide Egyptian street pickings and not follow through, now could I? I mean, if you're denying yourself figgy pudding because it might get between you and your own piece of garbage (or, say, because it's figgy pudding, but work with me here), you want your trash, dangit! But you know what I don't like doing? Going out at night by myself. Especially to, you know, pick stuff up off the ground. Lucky for me--and you winners, you--my husband was home this weekend.

I gotta say, he looked at me really, uh...bewilderdedly...when I told him what I wanted him to do. I think for a moment or two he thought I was kidding. You may not have guessed this about me, but I kid a lot, so I can get where he might think this. But I was serious. And he is a seriously nice man. Holly is not the only one who goes along with my harebrained schemes. So he took his little flashlight (or, as our 2-year old calls it, "The Ghostlight! Aaaaaaaaaahhh!")(Said 2-year old is a little obsessed with Cars.)(That was a little bit of an understatement.)(So was that.) and went and foraged on the streets around our house. My husband loves me very much.

As a(nother) side note, Eminem just came up on my iTunes, and my husband thinks it's really funny that I even have Eminem on my iTunes. What? I don't strike you as someone who would like really crass rap? Have you never met me? Besides, it's just one song. Plus it's the clean version. So there.

But rest easy friends, the trash is on its way! Also some stuff that's not trash (I hope)(I have a really hard picking things out for other people). Yay for prizes! And yay for everyone for doing this with us. I'm thinking that if those of you who didn't win want to join us again for a Springtime contest, I might offer a piece of garbage as a participation prize. Mostly because a) they're funny (and really isn't that reason enough?), 2) they're free, and III) I've clearly proven I can get my husband to do some pretty crazy things for me, so why not?

P.S. I just noticed that dh's Facebook status update is referencing my Eminem. I can't complain though; I might need him later. That trash ain't pickin' itself up!

*Told you.

Want to feel like a wuss while lifting 3 pounds?

Hi, I'm Sara, and I'm a magazine junkie. If it's geared towards women, chances are good that I'll read it. Well, that's not entirely true. I don't like the fashion magazines, and I can do without the pseudo-fashion/how-to-be-a-sex-object ones, and I stay away from the ones that loudly profess on their covers things like "Lose 40 Pounds by Blinking!" So I guess to make that a more accurate statement I should say, "Hi, I'm Sara, and I'm a magazines-that-I-like junkie."

It just so happens that most of the magazines that I like are diet/health/fitness related. Big surprise I know. I'll give you a minute to recover from the shock. Feel better now? Good.

In this month's Self magazine, there is an arms workout that hurts me. It's by Madonna's and Gwyneth's trainer, Tracy Anderson. We don't get real TV here, so I didn't see Gwyneth on Oprah, but I did read some blog analyses of the interview, more specifically her trainer's assertion that no woman should lift a weight heavier than 3 pounds. Like most of the discussions of it that I read, I basically thought the woman was, er, wrong. But then I saw this workout in Self and decided to give it a try (think what you will about Madonna, Gwyneth, and/or their trainer, you can't deny they all have great arms).

Here it is:

Sculpt A-list Arms Fast!

It says to use 3-pound weights, but all I have at home are 2.5 (they're weight plates for dh's barbells; the smallest hand weights I have are 8-pounders)(yes, I am just that tough)(no, really)(stop laughing, Holly) and the gym's weights are in kilograms, so I can either go with 1 kg (which is 2.20462262 pounds) or 2 kg (which is 4.40924524 pounds). I've used the 2.5 lbs at home and the 2 kgs at the gym and the take on both is this: Ow.

This is a good workout, especially for your shoulders. I don't think it works my triceps all that well, so I've been doing extra sets of tricep exercises as well, and by the end of both, my arms are spent. If I were more concerned with building my biceps more, I might add in some exercises specifically targeting those, too, but right now I'm not.

I'm interested to see what the rest of her workout would be like, considering I was, er, wrong about the arms portion of it. Too bad I'm cheap. I can't bring myself to pay $30 for her DVD.

Go try the workout, and tell me what you think. Be sure to watch the accompanying video, because a couple of the exercises made no sense at all to me until I did.

Confess and Assess

Weight loss is a constant battle. I know that's not a news flash to most of you--it isn't to me, either-- but the past 12 months or so have been even more strugglish than usual for me on the weight loss front. Last October my weight was in the low 170s after a long stint in the 180s and I anticipated continuing the weight loss and reaching my goal weight (Weight Watchers goal: 155, personal goal: 145) in the next year.

As Sara likes to say, "Hope is not a plan," and I'm afraid I was running more on hope than finely-tuned plans. Throw in some battles with medication difficulties and changes (no, no--I'm not trying to blame all my weight problems on that, but it was a factor) and some holidays that sprang up out of nowhere (Christmas is brand spankin' new, right?), and I was on the bullet train to Chubsville in no time flat.

At first my gain was slow (there goes my bullet train analogy), but I gained momentum rapidly and by late spring I was in the 190s.

Allow me to backtrack a little: when I joined Weight Watchers in February of 2007, my starting weight was 194.5 pounds. I received my 25 pound award in August of that year.

Back to this summer. By mid July, I hit 196.5 pounds, putting me two pounds above my starting weight (WW does not currently offer an award for this). I had given away all my size 14 clothes in the previous year and not only did I need those again, I was fitting into size 16 (and even 18--curse you, Old Navy!) for the first time ever. (Hey plus size friends--I realize you're pulling out your tiny violins at this point, but too much weight isn't good for you, whether it's 50 pounds or 150 pounds, wouldn't you agree? [If you don't agree, I don't want to know.])

I guess you could say in July I was near rock bottom (though my actual bottom was far from rock-like). I don't know exactly what made me stop the weight gain, though if I ever figure it out, I'm totally bottling it and selling it on QVC. Nonetheless, I stopped gaining and lost a few pounds before kind of hovering for a while in the lowish 190s.

Ever since, I've managed to avoid returning to the habits that put me on the gain train in the past, but I haven't really committed to doing anything that will produce steady and continual weight loss. I have lost a few more pounds over the past few months, it's true, and I'm happy about that, but if it's going to stick I need to start trying harder. Effort is a beautiful thing.

I've been working long and hard on my plan. Well, actually, so far my "plan" has consisted of not resisting Sara's efforts to get me to blog about weight loss for NaBloPoMo.

I hereby promise to make a plan. A real live plan for losing weight and doing it soon. And I also promise to post this plan on this blog (this one--right here) by midnight on this coming Monday.

Here's the rundown of how things are with me, weight-loss wise and health wise right now:

*Weight: 186 (yesterday it was 185)

*Height: still 5'9"

*Exercise regimen: none

*Best thing I eat regularly: broccoli

*Worst thing I eat regularly: Arby's mozzarella sticks

*Husbands who weigh less than I do: Joel

*Nights per week I get enough sleep: one or two

*Number of aches and pains: four

*Water consumed daily: around 48-64 oz

*Measurements:

-Upper arm: 14 inches

-Neck: 14 inches (for pity's sake--why is my arm as big around as my neck? Oh yeah. Frequent fried cheese consumption).

-Bust: None of your diggity dang business

-True waist (smallest part): 34 inches

-Waist at belly button: 37 inches

-High hips (at hipbone): 43.5 inches

-Largest hip measurement: 44.5 inches

-Thigh: 27 inches

-Knee (just above kneecap): 17 inches

-Calf: 16 inches

-Ankle (why not?): 8 3/4 inches

Well, that's the scoop. The scoopity scoopy scoop.

Stay tuned for the plan.

Is it possible to shake your fist at yourself?

Because I really wanted to do that tonight.

Today was my kids' first day of school, which meant that the whole day was consumed by getting everyone ready and out the door, sitting through a couple hours' worth of orientations, helping the Kindergartener finish up her first day, going back shortly thereafter for the other 3 (the K classes are on half days for the first two weeks, so eventually they'll all come home at the same time), hearing all of them talk at the same time about their days, filling out the SAME FORM 6,548 times, dinner, nighttime routines, putting everyone to bed, then having the 8th grader come home from a church activity, hearing all about that, helping her get all her stuff ready for tomorrow (please cringe along with me at the memory of having to change for jr. high gym; that's what we were packing for her), getting her to bed, packing the lunchboxes (I'm being nice this week; chances are good they'll be doing it on their own soon cuz me no likey), cleaning that up, and finally sitting down. And did I mention that I have a hangnail and wolves are chasing me?

Oh yeah. Still need to exercise.

And not just ride-my-bike-and-read, which I kinda like (you get to read! while you exercise! what's not to love?!), but a DVD.

Insert fist shaking here. Except that it was my idea.

Well, phooey.

In all honesty, I actually got online, signed into blogger, and almost started typing a post saying that it just wasn't going to happen tonight. Then I fought with myself some more. And then I went into my room, changed my clothes, put on a DVD, and commenced with the sweating.

I'll leave you with something I heard Jillian Whom I Love say while she was making me hurt tonight: "You want results? They're not coming for free!"

Which is unfortunate, really. Because some free results would be sorta awesome.

Technical Difficulties

I got this e-mail forward a few years ago that was entitled something like "What Men Say vs. What They Really Mean," and it had a long list of "translations" of things men say. I remember chuckling a little at a few of them, but only one made me laugh out loud. It was also, conveniently, the only one I remember (clearly, if you want me to remember something, it darn well better be funny!). It said: "What He Says: 'I can't find it.' What He Really Means: 'It didn't fall into my outstretched hand, so I'm stumped."

So when I say "Technical difficulties," what I really mean is, "The DVDs aren't falling into our outstretched DVD players and forcing us to exercise to them, so we're not so much stumped as still sitting on the couch."

Sadly, Holly and I have a long and storied history of inability to motivate each other. I was hoping that This Time Would Be Different, as I always do. But I've decided (and I've decided for Holly, too)(because I'm nice like that)(and also bossy), that instead of just letting this totally fade away like we usually do, we are trying a novel new approach called "TRYING AGAIN." What we aren't going for here is to exemplify Homer Simpson quote, "Well, son, you've tried and failed miserably; the lesson here is: Never Try."

Tomorrow (Friday) is the Sabbath here in Egypt, and that's my rest day, and Holly is traveling out of state for a family funeral this weekend, but come Saturday for me and Monday for Holly, we'll be in front of our TVs, DVDin' our little hearts out. Right, Holly?

New! and Exciting!

Holly and I have come up with a new challenge. I say "new" because we come up with stuff like this a lot. And by "we" I mean "me." Mostly Holly is just a good sport. Though, in my defense, she has dragged me into a few of her schemes. For example, because of her I had nary a taste of sugar in all of February of 2001. And she made me do Body for Life with her once, too. (In her defense, she made it all 12 weeks; I made it 2.)

So last night we were IMing, and I was whining, er, brainstorming with her ideas for ways that I can get myself exercising regularly again. And then the brilliance hit. And again, Holly is a very good sport, so starting today, we are each going to do an exercise DVD a day--and report back here about it--through the end of August.

In actuality, this is going to be harder for me than for her. She is an old pro at DVDin' it up; I hate them. She has a collection of about 5 billion; I have maybe 10 (and I hate them). But the reality of life right now is that exercising at home is my best option to get a workout, and DVDs are going to give me the widest range of such. So, here goes nuthin'.